Reality Check

Looking back at my blog posts, I realize I never address what I actually think of living here. Most of that is by design, I know. Even though I examine my life-situation in extreme detail in my own mind, I generally don't want to write about it here.  Reason number one being that I don't want to bore anyone with the absolute dullness of grocery shopping and Chewie walking (both of which happen every day) And reason number two is that (positive and negative) navel-gazing, at length, is super annoying to read - especially for someone lucky enough to live as an ex-pat in London. However, I recognize the need for me to get real -- really tell everyone how I feel. 'Cause, to be completely honest, there are moments of pure joy for this city, my life... But more of the time, it's lonely and alienating.

Coming through customs on the way home from Houston, I forgot to list my occupation. The customs agent asked what I was doing in the UK. I replied that my husband is working here, but I'm unemployed. He then joked, "Ah, a lady of leisure." Even though I was screaming in my head, I smiled along with him. What can you do? After learning my lesson, this last time from MN through customs, I actually listed "Housewife" under job title. Perhaps it was the extremely uncomfortable plane ride home that made me succumb and write it or I just didn't want to talk about it again... I don't know. And this is not to put down any other housewives (mind you, I don't even have children-- just a dog), but there is just something ridiculous about seeing that attached to ME. Sometimes I want to walk up to anyone on the street and yell: I was responsible for more than myself for many years!! I actually had an office of my own, once!!

I have tried to find a job here. The market is extremely tough but, I'm not exactly pounding the pavement and the fact that I haven't had success is all on me. I've sent out probably 20 applications/resumes or CVs to different positions all over London. Most often, I never even receive a response, although once I was lucky enough to be selected out of 400 CVs for an interview. I thought the interview went well but I wasn't selected to move on. In retrospect, I think I had more enthusiasm than they were comfortable with (to make a sweeping generalization: I think I was too American...)

All this is to say, being a housewife is totally foreign to me and I'm not dealing with it very well. I'm lucky that I don't need to have a job, but it would be nice to have money of my own again.  Then I could shop without feeling guilty or having to justify the expense. Or, then perhaps we would travel more. And then maybe I would socialize with people other than Gavin and his friends. I hinge a lot upon the idea of having a job. I think I read too many blogs of ex-pats who travel constantly, have solid networks of friends, experience all kinds of fun things around town - even at night during the work week! It all makes me extremely jealous.

See?!? As I read this now, it's completely ungrateful of me to belittle all that I have and where I live! But still, I'll never rid of the nagging feeling (apart from obsessing over money) that if I could work, I wouldn't feel so lonely. Most of my loneliness is due to Gavin's constant work-life. It's unusual for me to only have one person to rely on to fulfill my social needs and I struggle to fit in with his career. It, seriously, is what he lives for. He's working ten-hour days and is tired by the end of it; he's not interested in doing much more than eating dinner and watching a bit of TV (or playing video games) when he's at home, whether at night or on the weekends. I mean, I get that feeling of just wanting to shut down after you've been dragged 50 directions all day and all week. And, its not all bad. We do enjoy local restaurants, movies and pubs - I just have to manage my expectations a bit. I need to accept that having dinner in east London or jetting off to different destinations on the weekends isn't going to happen.

It comes down to this: there is so much to do while we are here, I don't want to look back at this entire experience with regrets. I want to see all I can in London, travel to mainland Europe -  really make the most of our time in this part of the world. But I have to temper all those dreams with the reality of our financial situation and Gavin's career.

So now you know what I think about on those days that I get up, watch the morning news, surf the web, walk Chewie, shop for groceries, make dinner and enjoy a few evening hours with Gavin. Humph. I realize now that I really have rotten timing for this post... especially since I've been fortunate enough to travel to the States three times in the last three months AND my in-laws are coming tomorrow for two weeks, in which we will all embark on a Scottish holiday for a portion of their visit. At least I can say that I'm finally being honest, I guess.

Sliver of Sun

At our home in Minneapolis, we have a nice-sized yard and deck that gets lots of sun for the Chew-dog to lay around in, like a little piggy.  Unfortunately, our house here in London doesn't (or hasn't yet) get much direct sunlight. We only have one southern-facing window - the one conveniently located directly above the pub garden - that shines sunlight onto the floor for about an hour in the morning. And who's found it? You guessed right... poor guy. Hopefully we'll get more sunlight in the house as the year progresses.

Little Lloyd

Because I'm the auntie and because I was able to spend more time with him, I just have to post a few pictures of the little squishy from last week:

Spring IS here!

A few pictures of our (as in, my and Chewie's) walk yesterday to and around our favourite park. It was so lovely to come back to a bit of color in the neighbourhood. I'm super excited to experience spring and summer in London.

St. Gavin's Day!

St. Patrick's Day (and Gavin's birthday), ever since meeting Gavin, has been renamed "St. Gavin's Day," for obvious reasons ;) There's always a party on his birthday- how special is that?!? And even though I will be in transit back to the UK on the 17th, I send him my love and wish him a wonderful birthday -- hopefully filled with the least amount of work-stress as possible.

He is an elusive figure that isn't captured on film too often, because most of his time is spent like this:

that would be a computer he is working on...

But, sometimes he looks like this:

my favourite.

And on rare occasions, we actually take a picture of us together:

Happy St. Gavin's Day, Gavin! Love, n

My Grandma

I'll be away from the blog again as I'm headed back to Minneapolis, sooner than expected, to celebrate the life of my grandma. She was truly the heart of our large and wonderful family and I will miss her tremendously.

Shrove Tuesday

As in the day before Ash Wednesday whereon one should eat lots of sugar and eggs before you give it all up for Lent. Thus, the British Pancake (Shrove) Tuesday! I thought maybe we could celebrate in the traditional English fashion by running a race while flipping pancakes in a frying pan...(seriously, I saw it on the news today!) but we decided to just eat them this morning instead.  By the way, the British call them "pancakes" but the only ones I've ever seen look more like crepes.  Anyway, we found some Canadian maple syrup at the store and a typical elaborate pancake recipe to try. Also typically, I substituted a few ingredients... and omitted a couple others... oh well, our Shrove Tuesday still turned out pretty good ;)

these were a "light and fluffy" kind of pancakes,
using whipped egg whites.

I guess it would have been nice to get a couple shot of us feasting... but we were feasting.

Houston Holiday

I'm back! And it took only a few days to sort through the couple hundred photos I took of the little Lloyd.  He is a looker! And a peanut! Absolutely a cutie pie. I miss cuddling with him already.  We had a great time in the Houston weather- I had forgotten how warm and sunny it could be. It was glorious compared to the cold dreariness I'm used to.  Not only did we all get to spend lots of quality time holding Lloyd (I even changed a diaper and outfits!) we went to museums, a non-eating BBQ cook-off, a true Texas-style (elementary school) hoe-down, watched the Oscars, saw the Justin Bieber movie (in 3-D, no less) and had yummy Mexican food from both a restaurant and a taco truck.  Oh yeah, there were also numorous trips to Target. All in all, it was really nice to spend time with my family and very tough to leave Mr. Lloyd.